The first thought I remember having when I got to Denver after the thoughts about the odd woman who I sort of flirted with who came to the room to clean the toilet seat that was splattered with dried urine as if someone did not get to the toilet in time and found the lid down and couldn’t hold back and I mean flirted in the way someone might do when they are pretending to be someone else momentarily because perhaps they aren’t really sure where or who they are in that exact moment and the temptation to play a part is overwhelming. The woman was perhaps eastern European and fit some physical description of something I’d seen on television that reminded me of hard work and kindness in the midst of brutal working conditions and there isn’t much more I can say about her but to go back to where I was; there was the other thought about the disappointment in the room size and the lack of anything nice to look at outside the window. It was not a suite and there was no lovely view and there was this woman from hotel housekeeping who I called to clean a dried piss covered toilet seat cover and oh yes, to smell the closet that Mark thought smelled bad and asked me if that was the smell of cedar which I think smells wonderful and could not see how he could misaligned lovely cedar that way. SO there was the hotel room and toilet and woman from housekeeping and then there was this thought: despair, I missed seeing, hearing the Dave Mathews Band at the red Rocks Theater.
I was standing in line getting something that had to do with why I was there, Delegate. There was a man in line behind me or in front and we started to talk. There was a brochure in my hand inviting me to the Red Rocks Theater, but my plane did not get me to Denver in time. I was coming in from Cancun by way of Philadelphia and could not get there any sooner than I had. The man in line with me talked with me about the Red Rocks and I was quickly made aware that I had indeed missed one of what surely would have been the biggest events of my life and I was quickly filled with remorse.
Amazing! All my good fortune. All my success and standing in the place that I had dreamed of being in – well not the hotel but the Democratic National Convention! And after all that good fortune I had the absolute gall to be filled with regret because The Dave Mathew Band is one of my favorites and the Red Rocks theater according to the description of the man I gladly chose to be the man I most loved to hate just for a second out of pure envy, is not to be missed. He told me about wondrous foods set out for the Delegates and the incredible unforgettable view and the lights that came up in the theater as the sun set and how the red rocks simmered in the desert clay color of your best creative inspiration. Ah, me. How easy it is to go from one thing to the next in our wish to consume the next thing that we believe we must have.
The one time I felt like I did not in fact need another thing was the moment I considered finished Crowning The King and uploaded it to a place I believed was the end of the rainbow. I uploaded it to amazon.com and looked out the window at the setting sun and thought oh my goodness I now have all that I ever wanted and I can die. I had after all been baptized and I remember how happy I was to have that. I had my son and he was healthy. I had my daughter and she was healthy. I had my other daughter and yet another and yet still another and the those three gorgeous daughters were also healthy and just as spectacular as the first daughter and the only son. I had found a way to destroy the legal bond of marriage to a man who had disgraced me and I was so very happy about that freedom. Whatever he had been and whatever he was to become I was no longer his wife. I had overcome a ritualistic nightmare producing fear of dolls and found a way to not be so freaked out over caterpillars especially after seeing Tim Burton’s perfect blue caterpillar in the Disney movie Alice in Wonderland albeit the caterpillar’s transformation was my favorite part. I had a master’s degree and an excellent way to provide for my family. I had won the election with Barack Obama and had served as his delegate to the Democratic National Convention and I was healthy taking yoga and swimming so when I finished Crowning The King, or finished it enough to start risking having lots of other people read it I was filled with the sense that I had reached my full potential. Everything I had ever truly wanted I actualized.
When I got to Denver I was still on the path. I was sulking about the red Rocks when I continued to talk with the man in line with me. He asked me what delayed my arrival and caused me to miss the Red Rocks Theater and so I had to tell him. Gear shift. Oh that’s right I was in Cancun. I was on a jet ski racing across the crests of waves over a deep blue here, illuminated aqua marine there sea. The man in line with me squealed and became elated with my good fortune; the one I was quick to trade for his. “Oh,” he said wide-eyed and open-mouthed grinning at me as if it was my joke all along, “You were in Cancun!”
I do love Cancun. After my experience jet skiing there I took my children. I had to share that experience with them. Red Rocks, I’m glad to know you are there. One day maybe and even if never, I’m glad to know you are there.